Surrender to the Wilderness

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition...What you'll discover there will be wonderful. What you'll discover there will be yourself." ~Alan Alda

I am taking an e-course called Making Space for Surrender by the brilliant Hannah Marcotti. It is perfect Universal timing. I'm needing some support with surrendering to the changes that are coming my way. Yes, sh*t is about to get reeeeeal, and I'm feeling more than a little resistant. I will put it all into context for my readers soon- once I know what the actual changes will look like, but for now I'd just like to share my place on the path.

As part of the soul work for the course, we have been asked to do some visioning (think flipping through a magazine to unearth the images and words that speak to you in the moment) in response to the prompt "What is the feeling behind surrender?"

I've been staring at this magazine image for days, trying to articulate why it spoke to me, and today at the end of my yoga practice, it dawned on me. Though it's not yoga attire, that is clearly the bottom half of shavasana pose...also know as final surrender. In yoga, this pose is intended to rejuvenate body, mind and spirit at the end of a practice. It allows you to integrate your yoga practice into your daily life. I had a super delicious aha moment when I realized that my visioning and journaling around this image are allowing me to take a pose of surrender in my mind! I am done fighting against the inevitable. I am ready to integrate surrender into my life.

That image and that quote are what surrender feels like for me. Release. Letting go. Leaving the city of my comfort and trudging deep into the wilderness of my unexplored intuition. It feels like I've been hiking for too long in not-so-sensible shoes, and I've finally given up the struggle and lay down in the undergrowth. I decide to rest and allow the wild unknown to consume me. I surrender to the flow instead of fighting it.

What I know for sure (cause I'm learning it in a big way through life experience right now) is that we have to leave our comfort zone to surrender. Often, that "comfort zone" is actually a space of resistance that we fall into when presented with challenges. It is a place of familiarity and safety. But it's also completely in conflict with the flow.

Do you find yourself clinging to what feels safe and familiar? Do you catch yourself resisting change? Struggling with it? Turning it into a negative circumstance? I can answer yes to all of these questions, especially lately. Now I'd like to ask myself just one more question:

What amount of change that is out of my control, what mysteries and unanswered questions, what uncertainties must I face before I will trust that my intuition will guide me in a good orderly direction?

That is what I'll be pondering as I take off my shoes and allow myself to lay back into the wilderness,
in complete and total surrender- at least for a few deep breaths at a time.

Into a Vast Unknown

Something about this little scene stopped me in my tracks on my bike ride today.

Two kayaks sitting on the shore, side by side, primed for adventure. Potential resting on the paddles.

It reminded me of us, my love,
preparing to push off from a familiar shore into a vast unknown.

Our toes met comfort on the bay. We found such treasures here. But the tide pulls us in now, tugging softly at our dreams. It's time to find our courage and our strength. It's time to paddle out and explore.

How different life feels when we view it as an adventure rather than a series of challenges and uncertainties.

Primed for adventure, you and I, side by side. Potential resting on our hearts.

The Bougainvillea and the Moon

The pup and I took a long moon walk tonight. A bright full moon and the last eclipse of the year...I needed to bathe in that celestial light, to be in that energy. It became an expedition, an evening nighttime photo walk, an effort to document my date with Mr. Moon.

In astrology, eclipses are said to encourage progress when we are feeling stuck, to create bold changes that we cannot seem to make ourselves. The full moon is a time to take action.

Any other month, I might have missed it, but this month I've been paying special attention. All signs point to changes coming, things that I cannot avoid. I've been slow in accepting it all. Perhaps this is the Universe giving me the nudge I need. Perhaps this eclipse was just for me.

Tonight I breathed in the unseasonably warm night air and contemplated surrender. I thought I had a battle cry left in me, but the howl got stuck in my throat. Instead there was a silent reverence. This is all so much bigger than me, and at the same time it's so much a part of me.

The moon walked me home and gave me these delicate ruby red flowers. We made a date for next month. Wondering where I'll be.

It's the Everydays

(photo collage created with InstaCollage photo app)

Five senses that turned worry lines into laugh lines:

tart crispy apples fresh from the tree,

sweet grapes drying in the sun,

the clinking of wine glasses,

warm skin at a sunny picnic,

breathtaking views of orchards and mountains...

We soaked it all in on Sunday. We needed it. Mother Nature reminded us there's a whole lot to be grateful for. But it's not just these "perfect afternoon getaway" days that make my heart swell up with gratitude. It's the everydays with him. My shadow will always hold his shadow's hand, no matter where we go.

Sage Advice from Sunflowers

There is nothing stopping you, dear child,

from being like the sunflowers:

radiant

vital

and alive!

Trust that your energy flows

from an endless source

and sustains you

throughout your days.

When shadows fall,

turn your face to the sun.

5 Years Time

Dusting off an old poem and piece of art in honor of our 1,825 days as husband and wife.

Happy anniversary, my love. I will never forget that barefoot walk.

There is Calm in This

In the way the light plays on the curves,

In the richness of the hues,

In the negative space...

There is calm in this, 

and there is grace.

What simple beauty do you walk upon each day?

What treasures do you witness when your spirit sits with nature?

How does it feel to surrender your burdens

and make space for the small things that bring you great peace?